I might even post a picture of myself during this time here one day

The Latest

Feb 22, 2013 / 2 notes

Flashback Friday moment du jour.

When I was 13, I had an identity crisis. I woke up one morning and knew nothing about myself. I didn’t know what I liked or believed in or stood for and felt like all of the things that had influenced me thus far in life were all of the wrong things. I was panicked about my future and what I wanted to do with my life and felt like everything was caving in and crashing down all around me. For the next three years, I went through a phase I like to refer to as my angry years. I challenged everything and everyone that I could. I read a lot and the more banned/adult themed the book, the more inclined I was to pick it up. I explored different religions and political leanings. “Thinking outside of the box” was the phrase most people used to describe me. I yelled way too much and wore a frown on my face like it was my job. My parents and I fought a lot and I had a pretty sassy mouth with them too. I was perpetually clad in black. I went on long walks alone many days to think (and sometimes because my mother would kick me out of the house so it was a good way to cool down for two hours or so when I eventually came back). And I wrote a lot, which has long been my means of self expression and how I get out feelings I have buried deep inside of myself. (None of that writing will ever, EVER, see the light of day. Ever. I need to go home and burn some of my old diaries, actually.)

All in all, it was an interesting time in my life and one that even though I was seen as a loose cannon during it, I’m glad I went through the phase and certainly at that age because I started working two jobs at 16 which shaped me quite a bit and pulled me out of that phase fast. Anyways, this was one of my favorite songs in and around this time period. Cradle of Filth’s “Nymphetamine.”* Which does feature guest vocal from the lovely Liv Kristine, who still remains one of my favorite female vocalists today so it’s nice that I still tote around bits and pieces of my past here and there into my present.

*Younger Heather could she was such a hardcore badass listening to CoF.