Posts tagged day 1

I am notoriously awful when it comes to completing these but I will try my best to get this one done.

Day 01 – Your Current Relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

I like being single. I have a very different mindset when it comes to relationships than most people I know. I grew up with two parents who loved one another very much and have been great influences for my brothers and I. One thing they gave me from an early age was my independence. The ability to make my own choices and do them in the way that suited my personality and the way that I choose to do things. I cherish this. Being my own person and going my own way has made me confident in a lot of the choices in life I have made and I’m grateful for that.

I have never been in a long-term relationship, one that has lasted for over a year. Commitment, despite the fact that I grew up in a household filled with it, terrifies me. This may sound tremendously silly for anyone who is in a long-term relationship but I have a hard time believing someone will love me against all the odds and want to be with me for the rest of my life. I think the reason why commitment scares me is because I see it as a threat to my independence. I worry I will lose that clear sight I have of myself in favor of being with someone else. I also worry I will try to hurt the person I’m in the long-term relationship with for the sheer reason of being either bored or testing my limits to see how much I can get away with. That’s a terrible thing to write. But … and this is worse to write… I still worry I would do it.

I think a lot of my feelings all have to do with the fact that I haven’t met the right guy yet and I’m holding out until then in many ways. I don’t half-ass anything in my life and likewise with my friendships, career, and sense of self, this kind of relationship would be one I would commit to. I would and will be absolutely terrified to do so and that’s why the other person needs to be special. I am a strong girl. But I know this is one area of my life where I may be a different version of me and I’m not sure what she’ll be like. It will take someone who is truly my match to be able to work with me, someone who will still let me have my independence, someone who won’t let me test my limits just because I think I can, someone who will see me for me.

If I don’t end up with anyone in the end, I’ll be fine with that. My own company and I have been quite content with each other for a long time. But I will be sad to some degree, knowing that I have missed out on something that I don’t think anyone should not have.

Love.

HT