Anyone and everyone who signs off on an email/article/letter with the word “best” which is basically the queen bee of the bitchy farewell.
If you do it on the regular, you know who you are.
A look at my collective emotions Monday-Friday:
Monday: “Awesome day! I had a good weekend, got plenty of sleep last night and caught up on everything I needed to have done for Monday. I have a tasty coffee in my hand and I’m ready to take on the day! Gonna see my intern, gonna write a bunch, Family Guy marathon tonight on TBS. Bring it Monday, bring it!”
Tuesday: “I stayed up late last night still riding the weekend high and I’m exhausted. I have so much to do it scares me. Seriously though how do I have so much stuff? I could work all day on Monday and still not be done with Tuesday’s work! What am I gonna write about for the Forbes post??? I have Shine postings too- and I need to work on some articles. Hair is about to be ripped out. Coffee is gone and it’s only 8:15 AM. Is there time to troll through Tumblr quickly? No? Is there time for lunch? No. What about a bathroom break? … no? Halp. HELP MEEEEEEEEE. Also there’s nothing on TV tonight except for Glee and we all know that doesn’t count as actual TV.”
Wednesday: “Okay. We made it through the Tuesday wilderness and came out on the other side. It’s the middle of the week. Halfway there. Almost. There. The meetings today break up the day nicely. I love that. Still stayed up late though. Will I ever learn, internets, will I?”
Thursday: “Pretty sure my roommates haven’t seen me in 4 days now. I’m officially a hermit. But on Thursdays I have Parks and Rec to count on and Sunny. Why just last night, there was a Katt Williams stand-up on Comedy Central and that made my Thursday even more special! (“Crackheads in Cincinnati be working HARD!”). Newsletter lineup here we go! Articles here we go! Tweeting and Facebooking in three, two, one! Dancing in my chair from great emails. I do this on all days of the week though tbh.”
Friday: “Wild card!!! And Friday!! Bagels in the morning, newsletter work during lunch, writing and answering emails nonstop and at 5pm I get to go out with the besties! Or on a slow Friday go home and watch old Project Runway marathons! Austin Scarlett 4 lyfe. Good life. A+ week. We did it week. Best week eva.”
As you can see I live my life on a steady diet of comedy programming, writing, staying up all night, happy chair dances, and the occasional panic attack.
I really hate using it when I sign off in writing an email to someone, but in times when I am politely declining to use information, I will write “Best” above my name.
See: 45 million press releases from PR firms in this category.
It always reminds me of that episode of Sex and the City where Samantha is mad at Richard for sending along gifts that say “best” above his name. “Best is like signing ‘not love!’” She’s right.
Then again, when was Samantha ever wrong about anything? I have yet to know.